this was lovely to read. my mom died, also of cancer, in august and i related v strongly to this. we also had a strained relationship. i'm grieving her, but also grieving the relationship we never had the chance to finish. i loved the way you described it as a cliffhanger - it feels just like that, taunting and a bit harsh. thanks for sharing.
what a beautiful way to share your grief. i am two years into grieving my mom and this hit me like a truck. i’ve been thinking especially so much about our complex and honestly strained relationship, while also taking into consideration her chronic illness and now freedom from it.
i've learned so much from attending grief groups -- mostly that i am not alone in feeling so deeply complex about my mom's passing.
My heart goes out to you, I’m so sorry that we’re in the same boat. Grief is so complex, and I have to keep telling myself that there is no right or wrong way to feel it. Those grief groups sound lovely. ♥️
My friends and I just made a playlist where we each added a song for every decade, and I realized at some point how much my dad has influenced my musical taste. Music is such a great way to work through sadness and complexity. 💗
My mom was a smoker, she died in 2007 from COPD/emphysema. Lost my dad in 2015 from dementia. You WILL arrive at a day when the hole in your chest starts to heal, and you can listen to songs that remind you of them without crying. Until then, cry as needed, laugh when possible. Holding it in can result in unexpected and explosive outbursts, which are the absolute worst.
brooke, I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. I felt every word as I read this, how powerful and courageous to have been so honest on a piece. don't feel like you have to replied to this, I just wanted to tell you we're all here to read you and support you
brooke, i gave myself a few days to read this because i knew how powerful your piece would be. i loved the intertwining of music & grief, music has both pulled me out of & pushed me further into sadness. it’s funny it has that effect.
what really got me is “I have had no time to mourn, because my dead father is a part time job I never applied for.” i talk about this with my other grieving friends a lot — it’s so crazy the ways grief really eats away at you and feels like a job at times. if you ever need anything, im always in your corner 💗
Ugh Alix you are the best. I’m sorry that you can relate to this post. The grief is so much, and the expectations of grieving people to just get over it is even worse. I’m here for you always!!! ♥️
Brooke. I’m sending you the biggest hug I can possibly send through the world wide web.
I appreciate you being so open about your anger, because that’s usually my primary emotion in heartbreaking situations, not necessarily sadness. You have every right to be angry. And I can only imagine how your complicated relationship with your dad makes this all even more complex - I have an estranged relationship with my own father, and while he’s still alive I think often about how I’ll feel if he goes before me.
Maybe that’s TMI but I hope writing this piece and sharing it with us was restorative for you in some way. ❤️🩹
No such thing as TMI! My dad had cancer on and off for 10 years, and while the end of his life happened very suddenly, I had spent a decent amount of time in his cancer journey thinking about what life would look like when he died. I tried to brace myself against the inevitable, but unfortunately it was worse than I expected. Sending you all the hugs too, Adrianna. ♥️ it’s never easy having a strained relationship with family. Writing and releasing this piece was truly cathartic.
Thank-you for writing this. I’m so sorry for your grief. In my experience the black hole that has entered your life will never go away, but over time you will grow around the hole.
I am also a huge playlist maker. Thank-you for the idea of one song a day. I just started.
This might be too soon. But if you’re interested the song “Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again” by Andrew Lloyd Weber and Emmy Rosen is a heartbreakingly beautiful song on losing a parent. I like to torture myself with it sometimes when I’m missing my mother. ✨💜✨
I’m so sorry for your grief as well. I think that torturing ourselves with the sad songs is just a way to give ourselves an outlet to feel the intensity of our grief. It helps it get out (I do it a lot too). I’m definitely adding that song to my dead dad playlist. ❤️🩹 I hope you enjoy your song a day-list!
this was lovely to read. my mom died, also of cancer, in august and i related v strongly to this. we also had a strained relationship. i'm grieving her, but also grieving the relationship we never had the chance to finish. i loved the way you described it as a cliffhanger - it feels just like that, taunting and a bit harsh. thanks for sharing.
I’m so sorry that you’re in a similar situation. The cliffhanger is truly the worst part. I’m here if you ever want to chat about it. ♥️
likewise, and thank you ♥️
what a beautiful way to share your grief. i am two years into grieving my mom and this hit me like a truck. i’ve been thinking especially so much about our complex and honestly strained relationship, while also taking into consideration her chronic illness and now freedom from it.
i've learned so much from attending grief groups -- mostly that i am not alone in feeling so deeply complex about my mom's passing.
wishing you much love and light.
My heart goes out to you, I’m so sorry that we’re in the same boat. Grief is so complex, and I have to keep telling myself that there is no right or wrong way to feel it. Those grief groups sound lovely. ♥️
My friends and I just made a playlist where we each added a song for every decade, and I realized at some point how much my dad has influenced my musical taste. Music is such a great way to work through sadness and complexity. 💗
That’s so beautiful ♥️ it really is. Also that playlist sounds amazing!
My mom was a smoker, she died in 2007 from COPD/emphysema. Lost my dad in 2015 from dementia. You WILL arrive at a day when the hole in your chest starts to heal, and you can listen to songs that remind you of them without crying. Until then, cry as needed, laugh when possible. Holding it in can result in unexpected and explosive outbursts, which are the absolute worst.
Thank you so much ♥️♥️ this means a lot
brooke, I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. I felt every word as I read this, how powerful and courageous to have been so honest on a piece. don't feel like you have to replied to this, I just wanted to tell you we're all here to read you and support you
Gala 🥲♥️ this is so sweet thank you so much
brooke, i gave myself a few days to read this because i knew how powerful your piece would be. i loved the intertwining of music & grief, music has both pulled me out of & pushed me further into sadness. it’s funny it has that effect.
what really got me is “I have had no time to mourn, because my dead father is a part time job I never applied for.” i talk about this with my other grieving friends a lot — it’s so crazy the ways grief really eats away at you and feels like a job at times. if you ever need anything, im always in your corner 💗
Ugh Alix you are the best. I’m sorry that you can relate to this post. The grief is so much, and the expectations of grieving people to just get over it is even worse. I’m here for you always!!! ♥️
This is a beautifully written piece, thank you so much for sharing it with us. Sending you an absolutely massive hug🤗🤗
Thank you so much Bianca ♥️
Brooke. I’m sending you the biggest hug I can possibly send through the world wide web.
I appreciate you being so open about your anger, because that’s usually my primary emotion in heartbreaking situations, not necessarily sadness. You have every right to be angry. And I can only imagine how your complicated relationship with your dad makes this all even more complex - I have an estranged relationship with my own father, and while he’s still alive I think often about how I’ll feel if he goes before me.
Maybe that’s TMI but I hope writing this piece and sharing it with us was restorative for you in some way. ❤️🩹
No such thing as TMI! My dad had cancer on and off for 10 years, and while the end of his life happened very suddenly, I had spent a decent amount of time in his cancer journey thinking about what life would look like when he died. I tried to brace myself against the inevitable, but unfortunately it was worse than I expected. Sending you all the hugs too, Adrianna. ♥️ it’s never easy having a strained relationship with family. Writing and releasing this piece was truly cathartic.
Thank-you for writing this. I’m so sorry for your grief. In my experience the black hole that has entered your life will never go away, but over time you will grow around the hole.
I am also a huge playlist maker. Thank-you for the idea of one song a day. I just started.
This might be too soon. But if you’re interested the song “Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again” by Andrew Lloyd Weber and Emmy Rosen is a heartbreakingly beautiful song on losing a parent. I like to torture myself with it sometimes when I’m missing my mother. ✨💜✨
I’m so sorry for your grief as well. I think that torturing ourselves with the sad songs is just a way to give ourselves an outlet to feel the intensity of our grief. It helps it get out (I do it a lot too). I’m definitely adding that song to my dead dad playlist. ❤️🩹 I hope you enjoy your song a day-list!
Yes, that makes sense. 💜✨